My relationship with this man is bizarre, reckless and unexplainably odd, but the experience was thrilling, completely irrational and sexually liberating. I knew his pattern, and felt comfortable continuing the routine with him. When he finished, I was left wanting more. I was old enough to know better, but still young enough to feel sad, lonely and infatuated by a man who radiated a boyish charm in his early 40s. A quick one-line acknowledgement that was, more or less, simple. He had a consistent set of behaviors, and communication, and it was predictable in an unpredictable setting. He smiled from the corner of his mouth when we finally agreed on the staircase. On our way up, he playfully flipped my skirt up, to which I blushed. The communication was often unexpected, and I liked not knowing if he would answer. But when we did meet, it often involved me on my knees, in a washroom that we found in a downtown hotel, or in a bush outside of my work I wish I was kidding. As for conversation, my imagination led me to believe we were compatible. I was red in the face, and we laughed and took a moment to compose ourselves. While I swallowed, I thought to myself how crazy, and exponentially insane this all was. He came forcefully, and he smiled, and I reminded myself to breathe again. We exited the hotel, briefly talked about the weather, and then he waved goodbye. Author Nina White "When we did meet, it often involved me on my knees in a washroom that we found in a downtown hotel. It was a fuck, plain and simple.